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The Abbey

2002-05-12: The Abbey - Toilets

The Abbey is yet another staple of Decatur Street. As many times as I've heard of it, I had never actually been there. When I told my friend Brent that I got a shot of the Abbey toilet he said, "The Scabby? Man, I've got friends in low places."

Have you ever noticed that there are people that you see EVERY time you go to a particlar place? Whenever I see one of these people I invariably think to myself "What a loser! Do they hang out at this mall/bar/arcade every damn day?" But then an irrational panic hits me. Maybe it's just a phenomenal copincidence and they have ONLY been there when I was there. Maybe they're thinking the same thing about me. Maybe *I* am the loser that's always here.

So that night at the Abbey I saw one of these people. I swear I see this guy at least one in three times I go downtown. And not just in once place, either. He's all over the place. He is sort of like Freddy Krueger...you'll leave one place and think that you left him behind, but when you show up in the next place the guy is already there.

My recollection of the Abbey experience is...how should I say...imperfect....but I do remember having to leave rapidly after one of my entourage threw up under the table at which we were sitting.

Which allows for another segue. I hate to vomit (yes, ok, vomit is a little sexy). I mean I really really hate to vomit. It seems, however, that I am somewhat alone in this dislike. Some people vomit all of the time. Other people claim to feel better after vomiting. Not me. I feel nothing but burning shame at having lost the battle with my gag reflex. But others don't feel this way. Joe vomits practically as a matter of course. But I will fight it until the end. Even when I have to grab the ground to keep from falling off of the planet I still fight the urge. With sweat pouring down my face and everything looking like a Picasso painting I will not give in. In fact, I haven't vomited for over two years.

By the way, the "vomit is a little sexy" line is a quote from Chris Kattan's Antonio Banderas skit from SNL. I just thought I'd point that out so you didn't actually think I dug vomit.

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