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Ten years into this site and I still have to type HTML escapes for newlines. It's almost embarrassing. This year's obsession: Poker. Playing Poker several hours a day takes away from my posting time. I don't have the time to talk about politics and hollywood hotties. I don't have time to talk about my boat or the swamp or the New Orleans sluts. And I look at digits on the screen that are less than I spend on an average night of carousing in the Freedom Quarter and somehow these digits have meaning to me. The $25 I make off of a call with an overpair (when you really shouldn't call considering these nits' tendencies) is worth more than $5,000 made legitimately. Fun Fact: I sprained my ankle New Years of 2008. I broke my hand in October of the same year. I gained about 20 pounds. Suddenly Johnny, angry Johnny, was no longer the machine he once was. But then: Every grandma has a remedy. My grandma's remedy was Vick's. No matter what was wrong with you, Vick's would cure it. Asthma, a cold, a cut, freaking Aids. Vick's was the answer. I have found my Vick's. Epsom Salt is the cure-all of freaking reality. One horrid side-effect of being disgustingly and horribly fat was boils. I used to (still do) get boils on the inside of my legs from my fat rubbing together. These boils would get huge and swollen, and I shit you not would shoot bloody puss about 5 feet. One day one of these boils got aggressive and traveled up my thigh onto my junk. And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I had to find an answer. Enter: Epsom Salt. I read all of the InterWebs for an answer, and I concluded that Epsom salt might be the One True Way. I boiled a pot of water with Epsom salt and soaked a rag in it. I pressed the hot salt-soaked rag onto the boil and VOILA! Boil Gone. Returning to the ankle. I have been fighting with this ankle for over a year. Every few months I try my hand at running a few miles, and the ankle swells up like Angelina Jolie's lips. Then I started soaking it in Epsom Salt. Insta Freaking Cure. Epsom salt is magic, and I am now officially a grandma because I have a home remedy that I recommend for every ailment. I can now run on my awesome un-fucked ankle, and my thighs rub together totally devoid of boils. The cells of my body are forgetting that I am (cough cough) years old and I am starting to look like a piece of carved wood again. Rock On Epsom Salt. Permalink to this post. |
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