 Home  What's New  Feedback / Submit Reader Photos  PGDesigner  Cylindrix  Links  Personal |
|
Links: Watch Me Eat a Hot Dog www.glitch13.com Live New Orleans Yaddoshi's site Six Ten Split Fleshbot Offbeat |
|
||
"The fuckin' French, you know," he slurred in between drinks, "You think they're sissies because, well, they're French. I mean, fuck, I'm an Englishman! I can kick the shit out of any Frenchman just because I'm English, right? But fuck, I'm a little fellow, just over five feet, and some of those French bastards are fucking huge. And they'll just pound the shit out of me. I mean, they're still men, even though they're French." With this he mimed pounding a head into the bar, "Those French bastards would cave my head in! But I still think I can kick their ass just because I'm English? I mean, fuck, we English are some racist bastards!" This guy was a whirlwind. Normally when I run into someone like this at a bar I try to politely end the conversation, but this guy was funny as hell. Besides, I was in Miami for a convention, and he was virtually the only English speaking person at the bar. "So people think America is so dangerous and they picture England as this peaceful place because there's no fucking guns, but let me tell you, those crazy fuckers don't need guns! They'll pound your head into the bar just for something to do!" At this he mimed pounding a head into the bar again. "You know why? Because they're fucking bored! It's not a good Friday night unless you get into a fight. I'd rather walk around an American city at night instead of London any time!" I found myself wishing I could pull every hippy-dippy person I knew into this conversation. I get so sick of hearing how America is so violent and how Europe is the land of candy and rainbows because no one has guns. "You know what I'm going to do when I turn 60?" he asked me. "No, what?" "Well, I figure I've been marinating my liver for the past twenty years," he punctuated this by taking a big swig from his drink, "So I figure that when I turn 60 I'm going to cut the fucker out and eat it!" His face took on an oddly creepy look. "I'm going to eat it with some fava beans and a bottle of Chianti...ssllp ssllp ssllp." (Please pardon my awkward onomatopoeia on this Silence of the Lambs quote) "So I'm English," he said, "What are you?" "Irish," I replied. "Good! Fucking right! I get so fucking sick of hearing Americans say 'I'm American', fuck, unless your name is fucking Pocahontas, you're not fucking American! You're fucking European! If you're a black guy, then you're African. There's no fucking white Americans! I get so fucking sick of hearing that!" "And when I turn 60 I'm going to cut out my fucking liver and eat it!" Permalink to this post. |
||
The other night she was trying to give me a pep talk, and I was completely certain that she was calling me a little bitch. After getting my panties all in a bunch, we had a big long conversation and it turns out she was just trying to be helpful. Sounds like Joe, huh? Actually the difference is that Joe would never try to be helpful (hehe). Permalink to this post. |
||
comes down here every month to see Roxanne. Now that I think of it, Roxanne's a bad person to try to outdrink also. Anthony is a really funny guy, and he never ceases to be amazed by the fact that the bars around here never close. Supposedly they are always getting into arguments, but I've never seen that...every time I've been around they are in a really good mood. Permalink to this post. |
||
make sure that they have what she wants before you go there... Especially seafood restaurants...You would think that a seafood restaurant in New Orleans wouldn't run out of SHRIMP ... but they do...and it almost always happens when you're at a restaurant with Sherry. Permalink to this post. |
||
contract with Maiden Voyage. I am eternally in his debt for this reason. He's a really nice guy, and everyone in the Quarter seems to know him, especially hot chicks. By the way...don't EVER, and I mean EVER try to outdrink this guy. He is a heavyweight, and you may think you're one, but you're not. He laughs in the face of mere mortals. Permalink to this post. |
My Adventures |
Misc Stuff |
Toilets |
Philosophy |
Dream Page |
Media Reviews |
Video Games |
Poker |
Computer Stuph |
People |
Hardcrawler |
My Weight Loss Program |
Random People |
Live Show Reviews |
John's Guide to Being a Metrosexual |
My MAME Project |
Gods of F*!@ING Rock! |
The Coolest Men on Earth |
Hottest Hotties of Hollywood |
My Taiwan Adventure
My Hong Kong Hijinks