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Misc Stuff

This is a page for anything that comes to my mind

2002-12-26: Problems with the Yule Log

Ahh Christmas. A time for celebration. A time for joy. A time for giving. A time for...diarrhea?

This Christmas Santa thought it would be funny to give me a case of food poisoning for Christmas. Those people who spend tons of money getting enemas are getting ripped off. All you have to do is buy a chicken soft taco at Taco Bell, let it sit on the dashboard of your car, and then eat it two days later. I assure you that enough liquid will shoot out of you to clean out the residue of even twenty bags of beef jerky (which, incidentally, I have actually consumed in the past two months).

Not that I actually ate a chicken soft taco. I am boycotting Taco Bell. (Don't ask). But something I ate kung fu kicked my guts and ass for two and a half days.

But enough of that. That is disgusting. Pretend you never read any of that. What else did Santa bring me, you may ask. Santa brought me a talking George W. Bush doll, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 for the PS2, Kingdom Hearts for the PS2, a Sigmund Freud Action Figure (!!), some wine glasses, and a cool little popcorn-snacky kit.

Today is the beginning of Kwanzaa, so happy Kwanzaa. I hope you get good presents from the Kwanzaa Beaver or whatever the hell kind of mascot it has. It is also boxing day, so I guess you get presents from Lennox Lewis or maybe Roy Jones Junior.

Postscriptum:

I forgot to mention one thing. It is in fact the entire reason I bothered to post about my food poisoning. I did not deviate from my workout routine in the 2.5 days I was sick. I still did my bench presses. I still did my curls and situps. I did my leg lifts. I rode my bike and I ran. If I can do that through a bout of food poisoning you can get up off of your butt and work out! Excuses are for communists!

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2002-12-10: Bass in yo Face

I have been playing guitar for about 12 years now. I burned three years of my life in a band called The Sexy Green Things. We spent more time hanging around hippie girls than actually playing music, however.

I have been jamming with my brother Adam for a couple of years now and we've had trouble keeping a bass player. We tried doing a duo thing, but the sound was just too sparse for my taste. I have been really getting into Morphine lately, so I decided to go ahead and buy a bass and amp and see what happens.

It turns out that I am a better bass player than guitar player. I don't suffer from the affliction which plagues most coverts: playing the bass as if it were a guitar. I still retain enough of my guitar roots to give me a distinctive style, but not so much as to sound like Yngwe Malmsteen on bass.

I was watching Supagroup at the Matador and decided that I really wanted to play a show. I called up former Sexy Green Thing Matt Lagrange and said I wanted to play some music. He showed up to play guitar and things are rocking along. I am singing right now, but he's a better singer in several ways, so I think we're going to pull a Beatley/Monkees-Y harmonizing kind of thing.

I'm itching pretty badly to play a show, so I'm trying to keep our practices very focused towards getting some songs down. Once we get 10 down tight I want to play a show. Here's a preliminary list of songs that I want to play:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force	Cover of the theme song from the Adult Swim Cartoon
Billygoat	Original, wrote several years ago
Bowl of Cherries	Original, wrote this recently
Crazy	Original, wrote this a few months ago
Faygo	Original, wrote this several years ago
LITLON	Original, Old Sexy Green Things song
Lemonade	Original, wrote this one several years ago
Looking Good	Original, wrote this a few months ago
She Don't Love Me	Original, wrote this about a month ago
She's Got the Release	Original, wrote about two years ago
Walking Song	Original, wrote several years ago

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2002-12-02: Foosball

I resisted it as long as I could. Even when I played football in high school I didn't watch it. I was on the punt and punt return teams and had no idea what the rules for punting were. I found the whole concept of punting bizarre. All I knew is that I was supposed to run down the field, run into someone, and try to tackle whoever got the ball. Unless they just stood there. And unless they didn't want it and would let it roll for some bizarre reason. Or unless...you get the picture...I was confused.

My brother bought Madden for the Playstation 2 and since that we've both been hooked on football. Unfortunately, I suck horribly at Madden, but I'm really good at yelling at a television and pretending I know more about football than people paid to referee it. I'm also really good at ranting about Michael Vick. If I hear one more fuxxing word about what a great QB Vick is I swear to God I'm going to shove a lamp down someone's throat.

Don't get me wrong, the guy is a great athlete and an asset to his team. But last night people on that Tom Arnold show were actually saying they'd pick Vick over Gannon!?!?

Ok, so you've got your dream team with Faulk, Moss, Rice or whoever. Which QB do you want? I would think you'd want the guy who never freaking misses a pass, who knows when to hand off to someone, who has been playing for 15 farking years. Not the guy whose answer to ***every*** situation is to scramble. Sure, he's a great runner, but meanwhile he's throwing bricks when it counts. Not to mention his poor decisions. As of this writing Gannon has 3877 passing yards compared to Vick's 1994. That's a huge difference. Gannon has 23 touchdown passes. Vick has 10.

Aaron Brooks also has 23 touchdown passes, by the way. I'm sick of hearing that Aaron Brooks is Vick's cousin. Whenever Aaron Brooks screws up a play we hear "Aaron choked again...he's too inconsistent" When Vick bumbles a play we hear "That's just his inexperience showing through". They've both only been starters for 2 years. And I think that experience will do more for Brooks as a passer than to Vick as a runner. What's he going to do? Get faster as he gets older?

My pix for the Superbowl:

Raiders Vs. Saints

(Or maybe vs. the Falcons)

Screw the Falcons.

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2002-11-13: The King of Natchez

Where oh where is John? Why has he left us hanging for so long? How can we continue to scrape by through our hollow lives without his witty banter and dreams about sex and violence?

Fear not! I am here to update. I have been insanely busy for a few weeks. As you may know, I write software for an insurance claims company. The owner of this company is quite wealthy and has many ventures outside of the claims business. One of these ventures is a hunting supply store. They opened up a few months ago and it took off like crazy. So much so that they decided to open a second location. Their POS (point of sale) software, however, couldn't stand up to the load. It was crap. They needed a new piece of software before the holiday rush in November.

They also needed all of their existing data to move over to the new system. Given the three week timeframe, this was a tall order. Commercial vendors charge mega money for data migration like this. Not to mention that they won't guarantee a three week turnaround. So my solution? Write my own software and migrate the data myself. In three weeks. Sleep is for pussies.

So I work 18 hour days, drink lots of coffee, and write code like a fiend. I write the core of the application in two weeks. I drive to Baton Rouge (the location of the main store) to put on the finishing touches and get user feedback. We go live two days after my arrival in Baton Rouge. I work 22 hour days. The work becomes a blurry haze. Was today the day I ate at Hooters? When was the last time I shat? What hotel am I staying at tonight?

In the end it was a success. The Baton Rouge store was up and running with a few minor glitches. I got to go home for one day to sleep.

I drive back to Baton Rouge en route to Natchez. While in Baton Rouge the power goes out. For forty minutes. The UPS can't keep the servers up that long. The power returns. Every machine in the building (aside from the Linux ones, of course) spontaneously switches from static IPs to DHCP. Magically. It takes me 40 minutes to figure this out. After I bought a new switch, thinking that the power outage damaged the existing one. My trip to Natchez is delayed half a day.

I drive the long boring dark road to Natchez. I arrive in Natchez. I am set up in a palace, but cruel irony only lets me sleep for 1-2 hours per night. Our bank screws up and we have to route all transactions through Baton Rouge. American Express screws up and we can't accept their cards. Windows screws up and no one can print. PC Authorize screws up and we can't view our batches. Our vendor screws up and all of our equipment arrives with no cables. Natchez screws up and doesn't have a decent computer store for 50 miles.

That's why I haven't updated.

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2002-10-22: Halloween

Halloween is tied for my favorite holiday. Tied, of course, with Christmas. Come on, guys, let's keep The Ween in Halloween! This year I wanted to pick a costume that showed off my newly-swoll body. I was thinking of being Rambo, but I have become skinny-swoll rather than swoll-swoll. I thought about being Leonard Shelby from Memento, but my body fat is over .0004%, so I really can't pull that one off. I have decided on a costume, but unfortunately it doesn't show off my swoll. It does show off my rugged good looks, however. If you want to see the costume you will have to go to Carmen's Halloween party this Friday.

For details, email me or fill out the feedback form on the site. I don't want to put a phone number or address on this site due to the legions of obsessed hardgeus fans. Note: A costume is required. Unless you are a hot chick, in which case you can show up and just make up something. Just say "I am a sexy librarian," or "I am a sexy walrus," or whatever. But you must dress sexy, or no one will believe it. Don't show up in a moo moo and your hair in a plastic bag full of activator and say "I am a sexy proctologist." No one is going to buy it.

Sorry aboot the lack of updates lately, but I have become even more busy. I am writing a Point of Sale (POS) system for a sporting goods store. I am working 13 hour days. I am stressed out. I am not sleeping well. I am having nightmares. BUT I AM STILL WORKING OUT! No excuses! Excuses are for fatties!

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