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 "My professional psychiatric analysis is that Angry John is completely fucking insane." - Sigmund Freud |
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Our bearded host invited us out on the patio for wine and cheese. He, his wife, two ladies, a gentleman and myself congregated around a patio table outside of his beautiful house. One of the ladies was an attention hog goth girl from New Orleans. The other was a large chested woman with odd eyes. The unmarried man was non descript. The married couple was handsome, the wife pretty and the husband a fit bearded cheese eating yuppie. I wandered in and out of the house, around the yard, and back to the table. The graphics were incredible. I could smell the ocean salted spring air. A light breeze blew. Games were definitely becoming amazing experiences. I had heard Dinner Party was a crazy game. So far, even with the brilliant graphics, it was quite mundane. Hours seemed to go by. Nothing happened other than idle chit chat. "So what is the purpose of this..." (I wanted to say game) "...dinner party. Are we going to play cards? Or share stories?" Our host smiled. "Old Jim here was supposed to bring some of his reefer, and give daddy a freebie, but after last night I don't think he is going to come through. Jim smiled. "Last night got a little odd there for a minute." Our host's face momentarily darkened. "This afternoon we are going to give each other cards." He poured himself some wine. I could hear the internal dialogue in his head as he did so. "The wonderful host stupidly poured his wine over his wife's orange juice. To make up for this mistake he poured heavily hoping to erase any color of orange juice. He started to draw his card for her," At this he did in fact begin to draw the card on construction paper, "The wine and orange juice mix made it difficult to write on the card. She would never know that he didn't love her." He handed his wife the card. By the time she received it there was simply a runny red orange blob on it. "It was a kiss, but it ran," he said. She handed her card to him. Hers was truly a kiss. It was full of love. The large breasted woman with the mad eyes handed me her card. It was several pages and made out of black construction paper. The cover said, "When I got my implants I was instantly placed at the top of the family heirarchy. I turned the page. Drawn in silver flourescent crayon was an old psycho style mansion. Labels were drawn with arrows pointing at several pieces of furniture and light fixtures. Uncle Frank. Mother. A corpse. Father. Mother. Sausage. The Slayer. The Slayer's wife. A corpse. (This one under the stairs). Mother. I was frightened beyond rational thought. The goth girl handed hers out. It was trite and dark. "No good deed should go unpunished," She said. "You can't believe that! I don't!" yelled crazy eyes, her breasts bouncing. "I do." "How about this?" crazy eyes shoved her fingers into goth's ears, pushing hard enough to hurt. Goth girl, to save face, smiled a wincing smile, "I love it." "How about this?" Crazy eyes pushed her finger into the other girl's forehead. It split open. I could see her brain, and I faintly heard someone screaming. I backed away. Tentacles started coming out of the girls forehead, but they weren't hers. They were summoned by crazy eyes. They were looking for her third eye. "Where is my fucking third eye bitch?" screamed crazy eyes. Soon the other girl's head was completely destroyed by the tentacles. The tentacles formed a sharp point. Suspiciously probing all of the dinner guests, including myself. "Find my third eye," she said to the tentacles. They surveyed the guests. One of us had the eye. I hoped it wasn't me. It is four in the morning as I write this and I am unable to discern whether I am actually awake. I fear that at any moment something horrible will happen. Games have become too realistic. Permalink to this post. |
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Time Shifted. I was lost in the neighborhood. Ryan was in the overgrown dirt alleyway behind his house. He was carrying some firecrackers and a puppy. I asked him why he had to do these horrible things. He told me a story about the first time he ever killed anything and how that had changed his life forever. He wanted to have that feeling all the time. I walked away. I couldn't watch. Ryan was beating Steve Buscemi into a bloody pulp. Steve's friend was already on the ground bleeding. Ryan got in his car. I wondered who the girl was from the earlier scene. I couldn't find my way out of the neighborhood. I had to get home. Steve walked up to me and asked me to knock on Ryan's door to get him to let us in. He knew that Ryan wouldn't open the door for him. I ran. I already knew what was going to happen. A bullet rang in the night. I stopped. Steve had a gun and if I kept running he was going to shoot me. I knocked on the door. Ryan heard the knocking on the door. He started to panic. He used all of his weight to shove the body into the icy water. He couldn't believe how close he cut it this time. He had been driving home from a murder and had forgotten to take off his ski mask. A woman's face was floating next to the driver side window yelling at him. He looked at her, puzzled. Finally he understood, the woman was telling him to take off the mask. He took it off, but there was another underneath. While he was taking the second one off he hit something in the road. A priest chased him down and made him stop his car. "You see, that was just a waste of good pussy," the priest said as he pointed at the body of the girl Ryan had just hit. Ryan ran to the girl. She awoke. She agreed to let Ryan take her home. That was a mistake. Ryan finally got the body completely immersed in the water and covered the hole with boards. He didn't have time to worry about what would happen in the summer once the ice melted. "Hey guys, Steve...I'm sorry we started off on the wrong foot. Let's hang out and talk about it." Even in this situation, Ryan was smooth. Steve was such an outcast that even this insincere gesture made him feel accepted. He forgot about his gun. Permalink to this post. |
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I felt ill. I asked the fisherman how he could eat a fish that had eaten a human being. He looked at me and laughed. He explained that we would not be eating the fish any time soon. I heard the line pull and the fisherman began to reel in what was apparently a very heavy fish. He pulled it up. It was a hideous spindly green animal. It looked nothing like a fish. It was spindly and tubelike with several spiny limbs flailing about. It tooked like a cross between a plant and an animal. It had a round mouth full of sharp teeth. He handed me a large brown animal that looked more like a spiny robot than anything alive. He told me to shove the animal into the fish's mouth. I thought it would kill the fish. I shoved the animal into its mouth, and at first it looked like it was choking. But slowly the fish consumed the animal. I couldn't believe it. The fish's tail stung me. "Throw it back in!" the fisherman shouted. I threw the fish back in. He explained to me that the next time we caught that fish it would be enormous. I sat with Carmen and watched the space shuttle prepare for launch. Ignition. It lazily moved into the sky, but every few seconds the engines would cut off for an instant. It slowly pulled to the right. Carmen asked me if this was normal. I knew it wasn't. It slowly and inexorably curved towards the ground. It hit the ground and disappeared in a giant explosion. Hundreds of fireworks were fired. Was this a celebratory display that could not be shut off after liftoff? But it was a distraction. I looked into the ocean and saw thousands of ships approaching the shore. It was an invasion. We were trapped in a building. It was a maze of pipes. I looked out at the water and saw the approaching ships. Something was odd. It was twilight and all of the ships were covered in Christmas lights. On the decks were affluent Americans singing strange happy songs. They had crazy eyes. They danced on the decks of their boats. Many of the boats had windmills covered in Christmas lights. I tried to get out of the building, but everywhere I went was a dead end of pipes. The military warned us to get out of the building. All of our panicked movement was damaging the pipes. The building was unstable. I had to get away from the fleet of singing beasts. I was trapped. Permalink to this post. |
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The enemy base was overrun by Koala bears. They were everywhere, all fur and teeth. They were ravenous beasts, waiting to kill anyone that got too close. I walked back to my base. Apparently I had queued up the wrong troops. My base was full of bananas. There were hundreds of bananas. They were very cheap and fast to build and didn't take up much food, but unfortunately they were very weak. I drug my hand through the air to select them, punched the 'A' key to the left of me, and gestured to the ground by the koala base. The bananas slowly began to move towards the base. The hottie watched my control over the bananas in impressed silence. The koala base was a nightmare. Mountains of dead and crushed bananas were everywhere. But every now and then a banana would punch a koala and take it down. One banana stomped on a koala skull. The narrator shouted that the bananas entered a war frenzy once they saw that they were capable of victory. Some of the koalas were drowning in banana goo. My experience rose. It wasn't enough, though. The koalas were slowly but surely defeating the bananas. What the hell was Boba Fett doing here? I returned to my base and queued up some dryads by pressing my foot up against the Ancient of Lore. This time I made certain that I was not clicking on bananas. Time shifted. I had a Druid of the Talon in my hand. I had a whole army of them. I picked up the koala toy and my Druid toy killed it. But there were so many koala toys. Where the hell did all of my Druid toys go? Adam came in and asked me why I was playing with his toys. Permalink to this post. |
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When I got out, there was a huge line for the bathroom One of the head curators at disneyworld was asking me about using ARS scanners to keep track of people at Disneyworld. I said that I didn't like the way they act. Neither did he. He was wearing a business suit and tennis shoes One guy paid 100$ to move up in line My neighbors, Josh's parents, had another baby. Jennifer was saying that she lost 100 pounds I was by a car in the dark across the street, the man inside was looking at me intently I walked across the street and told Jennifer she was full of shit. But she wasnt, she was four feet tall...I said I can't believe she lost 100 pounds in one day...I picked her up, she weighed about 70 pounds. She was changing. She starting rattling off equations. Time and space bent. The equations were coordinates to planet in another galaxy. Everything blurred...and the next thing I know, Jennifer was a little girl. She had three little greenish dots above her eyes in the skin. I asked her what happened to Jennifer. She cried and said "She was too good. I put her in the clouds." I asked her what she meant but all she would do is repeat that. For some reason there was something we had to do across the street I carried her across the street The man across the street was a cop, he got out of the car to shoot the girl. She gave me power and i grabbed his gun and shot him. He didn't die. I shot him over and over again, but he wouldn't die. He pulled out another gun, and shot at me a few times. I shot the gun out of his hand and grabbed it. The first one was a .38 special, this one was a 44 magnum. I put my shoe against his head and shot him in the eye. He died. I must explain that I burned with love for this girl. I was so in love that it hurt in my chest. I cried to think about it. I had to protect her above all else. Her face was so perfect and beautiful, yet frightening at the same time. The dots above her eyes were a beautiful reminder of what she was. Later, I gave Frank the equations that she had given me. He figured out what solar system they pointed to. He asked me what happened in those seconds between getting the equations and Jennifer turning into the little girl. I couldn't remember but I think that I spent an eternity across the universe. Frank tried to explain to the girl that she travelled across the universe. I don't think she understood. I asked her what she knew about. She said, "I know what I do." I understood this, she came from an alien culture and her life was consumed with her powers. I asked her again what she knew. "What else can I do but what I do?" she asked. "Here you can do anything that you want," I said. She looked as if this were a silly idea not worth considering. Time passed, it was a blur. Ron knew what was going to happen. He had seen all this before. I was losing my mind. The love and the fear were too much to handle. I felt as if this girl was going to eat my soul. When she was not in the room I asked Ron, "I'm doomed...my soul is going to burn, isn't it?" He looked at me for a while and gave me a gentle smile, "No." Time passed, it was a blur. As I walked into the house carrying her, the narrator said "There was a porn movie on the ground, invariably." I picked it up, pulled some trash out of it to close the door, and put it back in its case. Two days late. The girl and I got into a fight about how I blow all the money. Then I awoke. The narrator was explaining why everyone was so frightened of the new style in Japan. The American girls there painted three greenish dots above each eye. Starting with an outline of yellow to give the illusion of depth, an putting the green over it. The Spice girls. Baby spice was smoking pot. Sporty Spice was smoking something and Black Spice asked, "Is that my other shit?" A music box was playing a beautiful rhythmic melody. Permalink to this post. |
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