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 "My professional psychiatric analysis is that Angry John is completely fucking insane." - Sigmund Freud |
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I ran to my mother and showed her. She gasped in disgust and distress. "Oh my God!". I began to sob. "Mommy! Why did this happen?" Permalink to this post. |
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I walked to class. I hated having to enter the room with no pants on. I covered my genitals with my briefcase. They were showing a documentary on Einstein. I sat in a chair in the rear, hoping that April/Britney would sit next to me. I was an investigator. I was going through Einstein's room. Foil doublemint gum wrappers were stacked neatly in several places on his dresser. As everyone knew, he kept every one. I flashed back to his one true love - a beautiful goth girl. We were in love, but demons were following her. She was too far into the occult. After a particularly vicious attack I was torn and bloody. She loved me, but she decided to leave. She didn't want to be responsible for demons killing the great Einstein. Now even at 40, I wonder where she is every day. Einstein's dresser was covered with occult trinkets. A Mexican day of the dead doll, a hemp bag of mojo stones, incense and bones. I opened a drawer and found several boxes. In them were correspondence to women, and always those neatly stacked foil doublemint wrappers. He kept them in their proper box, organized by woman. I found hundreds of letters discussing rendezvous. I had never seen this side of Einstein. Circuit boards. Joe found plans for a carburetor. He used it for his senior project and won hands down with a 30% more efficient model than the 2nd place entry. Two years later all cars got 30% better gas mileage. Permalink to this post. |
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My friend and I were left to take care of someone's spoiled 10 year old boy. He was mouthing off to my friend and I had had enough of his loud pudgy face. I yelled at him and told him that I would kick his ass if he didn't shape up. He promptly swore at me and walked out of the building. Suddenly I remembered that the boy had befriended Lloyd Christmas and would probably be running to Lloyd's hotel room. I ran to the elevator. I ran from room to room trying to find Lloyd. Dread filled me for I knew that the boy was doomed. I got a tip and traveled to the northshore KMart to find Lloyd. My mother told me that Geraldo Rivera was at the Service Counter. Apparently he had gotten wind of the kidnapping. My mother tapped Geraldo on the shoulder. "I like you a lot better now than before you got hit by lightning," she said. He just smiled uncomfortably. He knew that the lightning strike did nothing to my dislike of him. My alarm went off. I hit the snooze button. The boy sat at the dinner table to Lloyd's right. Lloyd was a silver haired gentleman, rich and politically connected. Even this clout barely supressed the murmurs of suspicion among his guests. Everyone was well aware of the lawsuit filed by the family of his 10 year old ward. "Act natural," Lloyd said quietly, "Wave to your family as if nothing were amiss." The boy waved at his family. His sister, too young to understand the situation, waved back. His father and mother just sat motionless with wooden faces. Permalink to this post. |
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For some reason I was carrying several bulky items in my arms. They kept falling on the ground. When I picked one up I realized I was drunk and having trouble with my balance. Two young men were trying to get into the hotel but they weren't wearing suits. The concierge informed them that without a suit they could not enter the hotel. I briefly considered letting them use my jacket, but they would probably just run off with it. I walked across the parking lot and saw what was apparently a homeless black man walking with two attractive, white, blonde headed girls. The two girls seemed to be somewhat familiar with him and laughed comfortably during their conversation. When the man laughed I could see his rotten plaque covered teeth. The teeth were badly in need of a dentist and orthodontist. He turned his head and looked at me. His laughter stopped, but the two girls continued to talk and laugh as if he were still participating. As they walked towards my left the black man broke off from them, but once again they acted as if he were still walking and talking with them. Something was odd about the man's gait that my drunken perceptions couldn't quite grasp. And then it hit me. He had no gait, he was coming towards me at a diagonal without moving his legs or body. I was paralyzed in fear at the sight of this man hovering towards me. When he reached me he opened his mouth and bit my neck with his horrible teeth. All I could think of were the diseases that were no doubt entering my body. Permalink to this post. |
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After brief introductions we walked around looking for a place to rendezvous. We found a bathroom, but directly behind us was a mother who needed to change her child's diaper. I felt somewhat guilty comandeering the bathroom for my unsavory needs while this mother was waiting. We finally happened upon a stairwell. The stairs led to some sort of swank executive suite. We immediately went at it. I took several pictures with my digital camera. I was beginning to suspect this was a dream and wanted some pictures for posterity. The cleaning lady came in and we had to stop. I whisked Blair into my arms and carried her back to the convention. And so my feverish plane flights began. It was a haze. The pilot coming in close for an approach through the bay. We had to keep over rock formations, but under the power lines. We had to avoid boats and children. We landed on the interstate and we had to walk to our connecting flight. The connecting flight was on its side. I was already late, and I could hear the pilot over the intercom yelling for me to get to my seat. I walked into the entrance and the hallway was submersed in water. The pilot continued to chastise me for being so slow. I dove into the water and went around the corner. This lead to a shower stall with 3 inches of water on the tile floor/wall. It was an impossible scene: the room above me was filled 5 feet deep with water, yet a hallway dropped directly below me and no water was leaking down. The room below me was not on its side, but the beginning of a normally situated plane cabin. I dropped into the room and took a seat. Things were hazy for a moment. I regained my composure and realised that I really needed to urinate. I opened a door, but it wasn't the bathroom. It was some sort of pressure shaft and air was sucked out of the plane. Everyone gasped. I closed the door and put my weight on it. Even though the air was rushing out, the door was pushing outward. I fiddled with the latch and got it to stay closed. We waited at the interstate entrance to takeoff but of course no one would let us in. A man, who I swore to Gerald was the singer from Green Day, drove his Porche Services minivan into the middle of the street to help us out. He walked up to the plane to give us the go ahead. He was clearly not the singer from Green Day. Gerald laughed at me. We picked up speed preparing for takeoff. I wasn't seated, nor was half of the plane. I ran to a stewardess seat that faced sideways and strapped in. A genuine stewardess was seated next to me. Just then an old lady opened the rear door and stepped onto the plane's tail to get better reception on her cell phone. I screamed at her to get in her seat. The stewardess just looked calmly at me. "People just don't care about rules," she said. We picked up speed, but amazingly the old woman stood straight up on the wing as if nothing was happening. But the moment our front wheels left the runway she shot off of the tail like a bullet. It was almost comical. I was agape with horror. I talked to the old ladies near me about what had just happened - they didn't see it. They didn't know her, but they knew she was on the phone with her son who was telling her to get back on the plane. A frantic giggle spread through everyone at the thought of her death. I figured this would be on the news once we got back to America. I felt sorry for my mother. When she saw that it was my flight she would be terrified. The pilot sped through the bay. He told us all to wave at the children on the banks. Huge planes with open cargo bays plodded through the air, their bellies packed with cars. The entire bay was filled with boats and planes carrying cars. The children smiled and waved at us while our pilot deftly avoided powerlines and the suspension bridge to our left. Permalink to this post. |
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